Saturday, May 31, 2008

I've Got Chemo Brain...What's Your Excuse?

Ok I am convinced it is official, chemo brain has set in. I have always been proficient at multitasking, lately I am lucky if I can remember one little thing. Regular stuff seems like a far reach lately, like remebering if I just went to the bathroom for instance. Funny you would think any normal person would know lol it is sneeking into my brain cells. Another thing, who thought that watercolors actually bleed? why in the world would water make them run? Oh my! If that isn't enough I added more sugar and creamer to my already fixed cuppa, yuck! I do not like that much goo in my java.

On a more positive note, I woke up this morning with Bob Marley singing to me, yup at 5:15am he was singing the song "Every Little Things Gonna Be Allrightttt" of course once I was awake I realized he wasn't really in my bedroom playing his guitar. Now that song, like a worm, is stuck in my head weaving it's way throughout my day. I did go back to sleep until 7:30 wondering if I pee'd or not? who knows? but I do know that Bob Marley is still singing to me! and I have to pee.

I hear that reading, and art makes the boogy man go away, I have been trying that. So far the study I am performing is unfounded. What am I reading you ask? hell if I know I can't find my book!

I think I will get my shower and visit my Momma today, I think she is wanting to go to Wal-Greens, hope we can find the store!

PS I had to come back, I forgot to tell you that the baby should be here on the 6th, providing Ama doesn't do anything stupid like go into labor before that!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Grandma Again (almost)

Wow looks like I may be a Grandma again by the weekend! I am worried to death about it because my daughter has a condition called placenta previa. She is on strict bed rest until Friday when the doctor will decide if she will have a C-Section and which day they pick. Of course you who know Ama, knows that she is kicking and screaming about all this. For instance, the bed rest that she was ordered on? well that will start today even though the order was given two days ago. Why? because Ama said "she had things to do!" If I could smack her rear I would just to set her in line! She is scared of the C-Sec and no amount of Mom talk or Sis talk is helping her with that. I wish I could be there with her at this time.

Her little sister is trying to make plans to go up there, and no one is talking. I think she plans on staying and is afraid to tell me that. I did see her post on myspace though and that is the indication. I think she should go, and get out of this town and try to make a new life but, and there is one...I wish she would go to another part of the state. She and her sis will not get along for very long when they live in close proximity to each other. No one will miss her as much as me, I cry just thinking about it but I do want whats best for her, so she will never know. She doesn't read this blog, because she doesn't know about it so I can say what I want here lol.

Today will be my third chemo. I dread this process, and in the back of my mind I am afraid of this time. I don't have a clue why, maybe it is because yesterday the nurses at the hospital kept asking me how I feel, and if I was sick ect. It is kind of like when you go out and party and drink way too much and make yourself sick. Why would ya? well that is how I feel about chemo. It is much the same feeling. I did get some more drugs (just what I needed) to deal with the aftereffects. The trouble is that one of them makes me super susceptible to any kind of germs, so what now am I suppose to live in a bubble? Just call me bubbles now there's a thought!

So I may sound a little bummed today, but there is light at the end of this somewhere I just have to find it, and find it I will. Still believing that everything happens for a reason, I have to try and keep a light heart

Friday, May 16, 2008

As If I Didn't Have Enough!

Wow is all I can say right now. Our family took another hit below the belt yesterday. I took my Mom to get her checkup and colonoscopy and heard the dreaded words "her cancer is back". I guess I knew in my heart that is the news we would hear, because I knew it was only a matter of time.

Two years ago she found out about the cancer, had a resection and was declared cancer free. She opted for no additional treatment - no chemo or rads. I was like ok with it because she was cancer free. I still thought that it would come back one day and it has hung like a cloud for 2 years.

I am not sure how I am suppose to juggle my treatments and her crisis at this point but I have to think it will all work out. She will be having surgery as soon as possible, the doctor will call to set it up as soon as the labs confirm what he said was 95% sure to be.

So it is a sad day around here, I hate to see her go through this again. She is 83 and a strong woman but at 83 I am not sure how much her little body can take. I can't help but wonder if she "knew" and didn't complain because of my situation. I suppose I will never know for sure.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today?"
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head."H-M-M," she said,"I think I'll part my
hair down the middle today?"
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she
had only one hair on her head."Well," she said,"today I'm going to
wear my hair in a pony tail."So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that
there wasn't a single hair on her head."YEA!" she exclaimed,"I don't
have to fix my hair today!"

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Don't try this at home!

Got Cancer?

Here is a little movie to explain a few things. It embodies the way you must feel in order to survive.

The Survivor Movie

I have just come off a 5 day Chemo drunk as I call it. I was good on thursday, and ok on friday then all hell broke loose. Sick and sicker but thanks to the powers that be I am feeling quite well today! I call it a chemo drunk because it feels alot like morning sickness, motion sickness, then hangover from when you drank way too much. We have all been there right? well maybe not but I have and now I am revisiting that old sick feeling without the benefit of the night before. LOL

I will say this, it had better work this shot because I will not be doing this again. I have 19 more fricken weeks to go, and I won't give up but by then enough will be enough. After this I have to get that thing called radiation, not too please with that though but will give it a shot.

Anyway watch the movie, it is awsome, it says it all. Hugs for now!